Thank you, thank you, thank you for a day off

Thank you, God, for this day.  I also have to thank my daughter, Megan.  And I better thank my parents. And Peggy, too. Everybody, quite literally everybody, gave me the day off.  First of all, God made it an absolutely beautiful spring day in Eastern NC.  As most of you know, I have spent the last several weeks adjusting to a new reality in my family.  My Dad broke his back and overnight, I became a caretaker, organizer, entertainer, and planner for my 80-something parents. (With wonderful support from my brothers)  My sweet oldest daughter gave me some truly sage advice last night – go sit down somewhere and drink a cup of coffee all by yourself.  Take an hour for you.  You need it. And Peggy agreed to hold the fort.

I spent the morning putting my house back in order.  (Painters and plasterers for days on end. We were absolutely not first in line following the last storm season so I am truly not complaining that it is now our turn) Then I did it. I had a cup of coffee. I wandered through Target, Ross, Big Lots, Marshall’s, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and Lowes Hardware (a long-time favorite).  I got home around four to find that Tav had been doing honey –do chores outside.  We went to the nursery to shop for plants for the yard. (AM's wedding is less than 60 days away now. That’s a scary thought! Truly gives me the shivers!)

We got home, and while he continued in the yard, I spent a couple hours with my parents. Sat on the patio and drank wine.  Mom gifted me with the last crochet project my Dad’s mother finished.  A lovely, exquisitely complicated bedspread that means the world to me.  I am such a crybaby about family history.

Homemade vegetable soup for dinner.  Tav’s soup had the addition of ground lamb. (Thanks, Lynne)  Mine – all veggie. Cozied up on the couch together watching American Idol.  Hokey, I know.  But I’m an Idol addict.  Go Jessica Sanchez!!! And kudos to Tav for lasting almost the whole show.

May not be your idea of a good day.  After the intensity of the last several weeks – perfect for me.

Thanks to all contributors.  I will ever be grateful.  I will also try very hard to continue to say thank you for the small things that make such a big difference in everyday life.

This has been a great day.  Thank you, God.  And thank you family and friends for making it possible.  Anybody you need to thank today??

Thank God for the Support of Sister/Friends

Today in Eastern North Carolina was a balmy 55 – sunny – high white clouds running with the wind.  Sort of a perfect Spring Day. Except that my hair blowing in the wind generated enough static electricity to power lower Manhattan.  I owe so many sister/friends a thank you.  You read my last post.  You – too many to count – helped me define boundaries, helped me re-define what I’m willing to take personally, fed me buckets of empathy, and mostly just loved on me.  I’m grateful.  More than you will ever know.

I spent a great deal of last night talking to myself.  I knew the day would come when I would need to parent my parents.  Many, many of you warned me it was coming. But like most novices, I really didn’t hear you or believe what you told me that meant.   You were right.  I do need to accept that it’s time for me to parent my parents. (accept what I cannot change)  I need to re-define what my boundaries are, what my role is in our relationship (change the things you can).  And I need to minute by minute redefine how I react to the day.  (find the wisdom to know the difference)  I can do this. And what’s more I’ll own that it’s my turn.

I have never doubted that I was a good parent to my children – they have more than reaffirmed that fact at least 6000 times over the years.  They are really, truly, by anybody’s standards – good kids. What my challenge is now is to define what makes my parents good kids. That sounds a bit ridiculous, but this is a new parenting challenge for me. It probably encompasses the same things it’s always encompassed. Probably what it means is that they are doing the best they can.  That they are coping the best they can with aches and pains, with diminishing capacity – both physically and mentally.  That they practice some form of gratitude.  For a life well-lived. For children who absolutely love them. For the absolutely unquestioning love of pets. For children willing to assume the responsibility for making their last years as happy as they can be.  For children who understand that “diminished capacity” does not necessarily mean all capacities are diminished. For children who allow them to be their best – whatever that definition is.

Thank you, sister/friends, for making me realize that one bad day does not the whole week smother.  Thank you for holding me accountable.  Thank you for loving me.  Thanks for the long-distance hugs.  They all matter.  I hope I can return the favor ten-fold.