I wish I was always patient, that I always read situations correctly, that I was able to cope with everything that happens to be thrown my way. Unfortunately – I don’t think that is ever going to happen. I just don’t seem to be able to distance myself from poor language choices, or uncalled for temper tantrums, or just plain bad behavior. Even when I know that the offensive person is not in control of his behavior or his mouth or anything else, for that matter. In other words, I should be able, as an adult, to brush bad behavior/language off and just consider the source and move on. I guess I really need not only my own prayers on that one, but to ask for all of my friends’ prayers also.
No matter how old you are. No matter how well you think you understand a senior citizen’s angst. No matter how well-prepared you think you are to deal with aging parents, guess what? You are not prepared to be damned to hell by people you love. You just can’t prepare for that. You just don’t think in your wildest dreams that those words will be spoken. But they were. And I have come to the conclusion that no matter what I prepared for, I would never have been prepared for that.
So now that it’s done, now that those words (words I would never dream of speaking – ever) have been spoken directly to me by a person I am charged (by myself, my family and God) with taking care of – what do I do?? How do I fulfill the duty I have been charge with? I really need help to clear my mind of the words spoken - of the hurtfulness of the words and the sentiment. I need to absolutely forget. I need to move on. I am the person charged with this care-taking. I can do it. I’m willing to do it. I really need to put this whole thing in perspective and stop feeling sorry for myself and follow my own advice.
This is not the parent I’ve known all my life. This is a person who is feeling so out of control that they lash out at everyone around them in an effort to control something. This is a person who cared for me even when I was out of control at whatever age – infant, teen, young adult. I will care lovingly for them. But, Lord, I need help. I really, truly need help.
I love you! You are a strong, loving, patient person, woman, mother, wife, daughter, and child of God. Whatever role you play, and I know how many you play, you are NOT alone. Keep doing what you know is right, what your heart tells you to do. A wise person once told me that although I may not be able to rationalize someone else's irrational behavior, I could control my own reaction or behavior. Easier said than done! I love you! You are not alone!
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